In the wake of recent tragic events, we have had many conversations surrounding how to best support our community during this time. As a result of these discussions, our School Counselor, Carin Chou, has written the following piece and compiled a few resources to reference as we cope with and talk about traumatic events with our children.
The shootings in Texas (and New York, and so many other places) have exposed every teacher’s and parent’s worst fears and many of us are feeling raw and vulnerable right now. It often feels like too much to cope with when we have been putting our fear on the shelf day after day for so long. At this point, we all know the basics about how to help our students metabolize their stress and anxiety. We know to make sure that we are grounded before we engage with them, we focus on listening to the child’s worry and helping them put words on their feelings as a way to begin to contain their experiences, and we avoid empty reassurances. But we also guide students to reflect on what they can see with their own eyes to remind themselves of all of the layers of security in place around them, we protect them from the news cycle’s appetite for suffering, and we do what we can to stay strong enough to carry on as the captain of the ship.
In our faculty meeting this week, we talked as a community about ways to get centered so that we can be the sturdy, regulated leaders that our children need. I am passing some of the strategies that we covered on to you to offer you some tools to model for your children. The bullet points below are taken from a summary of Amelia and Emily Nagoski’s recent research into completing our body’s stress response cycle.
Physical activity. It's not just about going to the gym. Dancing counts. Jumping jacks in your studio apartment are fine. Running; swimming; even stomping your feet and screaming or punching your pillow into oblivion. All of these work. The point is you have to use your body. Since stress is physical, physical activity is a big part of ending stress cycles.
Creativity. Make something. Do you like to knit, paint, sing, write, or play with modeling clay? Whatever creative endeavor speaks to you, do it.
Laughing. Especially when you can laugh together with someone, laughter is a way to release and express all the emotions we’re keeping inside. Emotions are like tunnels. If you go all the way through them, you get to the light at the end. Laughter helps with this, as does recalling a funny story that made you laugh.
Crying. Crying is for everybody. Babies cry because it’s good for them, but it’s good for adults. Crying is one of our body’s mechanisms to release stress. It’s important not to be so embarrassed by our tears that we attempt to stop them from coming out.
Physical affection. You don’t have to have a romantic partner, just someone you feel safe with to give you a long, strong hug (about 20 seconds according to the research) or time with a loving pet. Physical affection helps your body release trust and bonding hormones like oxytocin, and those can chase away the sense of danger your body was previously holding onto. As our hormones shift, our heart rate slows and our body begins to feel safe.
Deep breathing. Find a breathing tool that resonates with you. Here's a simple one: breathe in slowly for five seconds, hold that breath for five more seconds, and exhale for ten seconds. Just a few minutes of this practice can calm down your vagus nerve and complete your fight-or-flight stress response.
At PKS, we teach our students that feelings live in our bodies and that we need to learn how to tune into and interpret these physiological messages. There is too much going on in the world for us to compartmentalize, so we need to do the work of processing our rage and grief and fear so that our children can learn to do the same. Please reach out if you or your child are struggling and would like some support. You can connect with me at carin@presidioknolls.org if you would like to find a time to talk.